Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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