Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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