she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
