just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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