did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize