There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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