Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
