dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
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We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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