The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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