So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
