Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
