walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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