So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
