you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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