I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
