i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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