How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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