i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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