It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
