Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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