I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
