my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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