youre lurking in front of me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
