We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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