I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
