two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
