So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
