I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
