The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
