is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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