I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
