thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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