I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
