i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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