Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I stole a fireplace last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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