there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
