Is it because I queefed?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
