You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
