Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
