Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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