He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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