i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize