I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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