Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize