all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
