She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
