She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
