we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
