I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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