im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
