Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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