So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
