sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
