Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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