This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
