I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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