is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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