This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
