You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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