so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
