Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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