I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
