Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
