I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
