508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
