Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
