sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
