The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
