You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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