he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
