When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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