just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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